Things I've Learned

Since I had a couple of interesting things come up lately, I thought I'd share my new found wisdom with friends and strangers:

1. Don't change the water cooler jug right before a meeting, especially if you're wearing high heels: It's hard to look dignified in your meeting when you're wearing a white shirt that is too wet and slightly muddy. People will laugh at you. Or they'll pretend not to laugh at you as they stifle their laughter and ask how you got attacked by the water jug. Trust me nothing good will come of your well intentioned act. Just wait for someone else to come and change the damned thing.

2. American men overshare: Maybe I'm a prude. (actually, I am a prude, but that's besides the point), but I really have no interest in hearing how awkward it was when your 22 year old son walked in on your private moment. You will know I'm uncomfortable with your narration by the beet red color of my complexion and the look of horror on my face as I stare at the floor. Feel free to abruptly change the subject and talk about horticulture. Likewise, when I ask how your new girlfriend is doing, I don't mean in the Biblical sense. I'm either making small talk or referring to her overall health. Feel free to not pick up the pace as I run away from you.

3. Music can be used for medicinal purposes: I have been consuming music as if my life depended on it. I have been known not to pay attention to the lyrics of songs I listen/sing along to, but lately, I've been hearing lyrics and almost every song somehow connects to my life. My musical mood swings from the serene to angry to heartbroken in a span of hours--and every one is the perfect salve for that moment. My co-worker (bless him) sent me a package full of CDs yesterday, including two Chris Isaak CDs to replace those I may have accidentally given away. How could I have forgotten the lyrics to Forever Blue?

All Apologies

Lately, I've been apologizing a lot. I feel I've lost my footing and am so unsure of every word I say, that even after the most casual conversation, I want to go back and apologize. Apologize for interfering, imposing, judging, correcting, opining, being. I want to erase everything and go back in time to a past that I can't remember any more. Despite this, I can't stop saying the things I know I will want to take back. I can't stop comments I will want to explain, and explanations that I will want to put in context.

Just last night, I had a conversation with a friend which in hindsight was so inappropriate and judgmental--what was I thinking? I barely got one friend back due to my judgmental comments and now this. I spent the better part of my day wondering, do I apologize? Do I pretend it never happened and hope he didn't notice? Do I count of the fact that no one listens to anything I say most of the times?

Despite always being self-conscience, I was like this only one other time years ago--doubting every word and thought. I didn't like it then, I do not like it now. The worst part is, I can't stop any part of it.