My Edumacation

I was the first woman in my family to move away and live on my own; the first to 'see the sunlight and moonlight'*. I was the first woman in my family to go to college, and graduate. I am the first woman in my family to get a graduate degree. None of these are necessarily my accomplishments; I would be lying if I said my family didn't have something to do with it.

However.

My motives to get an education were not that noble. I was filling a void that had consumed me most of my life. I started reading like a child possessed around the time I was six, because as I explained to the school librarian, I felt like an empty bowl that needed to be filled and only books could fill it. Unfortunately, I never read anything useful that would help me make money (an astute observation only a father can make). Nor did I read with the intent to put my knowledge to material or social use (there is little to brag about when your favorite genre is the history of the French Revolution--when you're 12). I just read, because it brought me joy and made me feel the tiniest bit less empty.

My college education was a bit of a fiasco, considering I stayed in the US promising to study pharmacy and get a respectable job in that field in Iran after graduating. I am not a pharmacist and I live in the US, so that's one of the promises I have made which I failed to keep. The majors I chose instead were a compromise (in my mind) that would please my parents (science is semi-respectable) and myself (I had to read British literature, how bad could it be?). Unfortunately, imaginary compromises fail to please anyone. My parents still remind me of the broken promise (and financial fall-out of not being a respectable pharmacist) and wonder why I wasted my time on an English degree that I can't do anything with. At this point, I had wasted years of my life, thousands of dollars and the opportunities life had granted me for for nothing. Yay me.

My graduate degree was another ill-planned compromise. I chose a field that virtually guaranteed me riches (at the time) and I was interested in because it would allow me to support myself and find outlets for my less lucrative interests. With the dotcom bubble bursting and my degree taking significantly longer to complete than I had originally planned, that didn't work out so well either.

Now, I am the proud owner of a B.S., a B.A., a M.Sc and a professional certificate. NONE of which can help me find a respectable job that requires me to do more than copy, paste and order lunch. All of this education, and I will barely be making more than a high school graduate doing the same thing I am doing. At this point, I don't even trust myself to make any decisions about anything.

I am not very proud of myself today.

*An old expression in Farsi, used to refer to women who were no longer innocent and often used their experience against men to get the upper hand. Generally not used as a compliment.

Synchronicity

So a few things happened today, and they all seemed to be along the same lines: Religion.

First, I read about the Georgia State Governor holding a day of prayer, asking for rain. I know I'm not the only one who wondered if it would be just as effective to have a rain dance. Then, I met my new co-worker and as we were casually chatting, he mentioned that he likes watching science shows--not for the content, but because he wants to see what those evolution types and Big Bang theory people have to say now that the 'science' is being proven wrong and what has been said in the Bible is being accepted as the best explanation for the beginning of life and the universe. I tried to take solace online, and found that Alex was going through a similar thing across the pond. And the icing on the cake was reading a reaction to the seasonal "War on Christmas" and some of the responses to the post.

How can I not say something?

While I am not particularly religious, and don't adhere to all of the tenets of the religion I was raised with, I have a healthy respect for religion and its role in people's lives, as well as people's religious identity. I sincerely pray for people (and myself). However:

• It bothers me when a day of prayer is announced, asking for rain to come or to stop coming. This is not an effective way to combat droughts; if it were, I'm sure the millions of people suffering from lack of rain in Africa and praying according to their respective religions would have solved their problems by now. They haven't. Our prayers are no more special and will not change the conditions on the ground any more effectively. Encouraging people to conserve as part of our lifestyles and rethinking our agricultural policies may help. Just a thought.

• I think it is dangerous when religion and faith in that religion--any religion--are used to not think. Not because science is absolute and can replace religion, but because when we stop thinking and blindly accept a doctrine, we are starting on a road that will take us to dark, dark places. It will be easier to give into fear and act without thinking. We become self-righteous in our beliefs and reject alternatives as blasphemy. My Muslim and Christian co-workers may mutually reject the idea of evolution and think all of these 'theories' are plots to disprove God and disrupt His will, but none of these theories disprove God. They try explain beginnings. If any of these people actually read Darwin, they would understand it better and wouldn't try to disprove evolution through Biblical/Quranic quotes. Even worse is when they mix theories and ideas in an effort to prove their point. Lamarckian evolution is different from Darwin's theory; neither prove that God doesn't exist. It is perfectly acceptable to believe in God and consider the possibility that the universe was not created in six days, without compromising your faith. As far as I know, all Abrahamic religions encourage questioning and thinking. Despite common perceptions, Islam teaches its adherents to think and question and not follow the faith of their fathers blindly. Judaic tradition encourages the same thing. Then why is it that you cannot be 'faithful' if you don't cling to ideas that are long obsolete and disputed?
• As someone who lived in a theocratic country, I am pretty sure Christians in this country are not being persecuted for their faith when someone says "Happy Holidays". As a matter of fact, on days when I'm thin skinned and paranoid, I think Muslims are being persecuted, what with the wars against Muslims, the profiling and the constantly suspicious looks every time I don't apologize for my religion. But at this point, this is still paranoia. Christians still enjoy a healthy majority, attend their houses of worship without fear (and broadcast it on television daily) and proselytize in public and private venues. Where I come from, none of that rings of persecution; it's the order of the day.
  

I realize this little rant won't change anyone's mind. I'm pretty sure someone will come and offer me salvation pretty soon, as long as I believe what they believe--otherwise, I will burn in the eternal flames of hell. But that's where my faith comes in, they're not in a position to judge me on this.

I'M IT! (Slightly late in the game, but whatever)

TK tagged me, and I've been giddy to play this new fangled game. I realize I'm coming in a little late in the game, but I'm fashionable that way. Oddly enough, in my excitement, I didn't realize how hard it is to think of 7 random facts about myself. And if you think this hard about it, is it really random anymore? Crap.

Here are the rules, directly lifted from the tagger:

• Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog...
• Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself...
• Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs...
• Let each person know that they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog

1. I eat my hamburgers in a circle/spiral. No matter how normally I start eating the burger, less than half way through, I'm biting in circles.
2. I'm a starter. I get so excited about starting projects--any project--that no one can dampen my enthusiasm. I just hope someone is around to finish it, because if it takes 5 seconds longer than I think it should in my mind, it will join all of my other Enthusiastically Started Projects in that ugly heap in the corner. I will eventually finish it when I reach the level of self-loathing that comes with knowing your abandoned project is haunting you in your sleep.
3. I have a mole above my left ankle that can distract me for hours. This is the main reason I didn't seriously entertain the idea of getting a tattoo in my younger years. If I can get this distracted by a monochromatic mole that has been on my leg since I was born, can you imagine the havoc a multi-colored tattoo would cause?
4. I think I have intentionally killed two spiders since I read Charlotte's Web. The cobwebs in my house are only removed if they become overtly gaudy, as I believe in respecting the potential literary aspirations of my eight-legged friends.
5. I pulled my brother's gastro-tube out of his stomach when he was four (I was sooo provoked, it was really self defense). As I sat stone-faced in the ambulance watching the paramedics attending my brother, I broke my silence to recite Humpty Dumpty.
6. Because I don't eat pork, I thought it would be safe to request a Kosher breakfast on a flight from Tucson to Boston (at the time, they didn't offer vegetarian, but still served food on airlines). While everyone around me enjoyed their pancakes, eggs and syrup, I was staring at a marzipan pastry of some kind that came wrapped in a Hebrew travel blessing. I stopped observing Kosher about five minutes after our flight landed.
7. In first grade, after a straight week of getting gold stars, Miss Hughs would give us tennis balls with a big smiley face on it. Being a little bit of a teacher's pet, I had a whole collection by the middle of the year. My mother thought I was begging for tennis lessons, and promptly signed me up with a bunch of kids who actually wanted to play tennis. I spent most of the summer hiding my smiley balls in my shirt so they wouldn't accidentally get mixed up with the plain balls. I was six years old with tennis balls under my shirt, running with my chest stuck out so they wouldn't fall and get lost.
   

Most of the people I would tag have already been tagged. Except Manny, I think. And Vermillion, too--if he's not too busy with his career as a reality TV star. Others are just too busy and important to be disturbed with internet tag...

Two Headed Witch

In case any of you are wondering ( I flatter myself), as of 12:13 pm, we're still ok and haven't been evacuated. If you know me at all, you know I'm practically hysterical and have done the only things I can do in times like these: packed up some bags, folded my rugs and cooked a Persian lunch in case it's the last meal we have in our home. I realize this sounds crazy, but today I don't think I care.

The reporters are covering every lick of this fire, and I'm not sure if it's good to be this informed or nerve wrecking. What started as two fires in the Harris area and in Witch Creek, have expanded to seven named fires in less than 24 hours. One reporter said, "The Witch Fire now has two heads..." They keep saying how this fire is much, much worse--worse than anything they have seen. They cannot even start combating the fires because of the weather conditions--it is 0% contained and spreading so quickly that the best they can do is evacuate neighborhoods and hope there aren't fatalities. Yippeee.

During the 2003 fires that came all the way to the I-15, I sat cross legged in our apartment and wrote the first draft of what would become my thesis. Today, I'm willing myself to sit still and write, because it is the only think that will stop me from losing my mind completely. When my brother called, I was close to tears and couldn't believe his calm (thank God for him and M). But then again, he isn't inhaling ashes and smoke, wondering if his happy little home will go up in smoke.

Strangely, all of this kind of reminds me of when we had returned to Iran during the bombings of Tehran. I can only imagine the anxiety my parents lived through as they tried to act normal and live life, never sure of when all they had worked for would be destroyed. I remember my mom calmly cooking with the emergency sirens screaming and the military's defenses rat-tat-tatting in the background; all of us huddled in the glassless hallway. She acted calm, but in hindsight, I know she was clinging onto the only ritual that would bring calm to all of us.

I guess no matter how hard I try, I'm still her daughter--just less calm (if that's even possible).

UPDATE: We have been evacuated and are staying with a friend. I have no idea what will happen, but we are safe.

It's Not a Tumor

If you've read some of my previous posts, you may have gleaned that I I'm not a big fan of the medical community. Actually, I don't mind them in general, I just don't think they like me. Why else would they pull my nails, not give me prescriptions to medicines that could prevent later problems and yell at me after we got hit by an 18 wheeler? (Yes, I will tell those fun, fun stories soon)

But today, I kind of don't mind them so much.

I have had a headache for about a month now. Not most of the time, not after certain activities--non-stop headache that is just pissing me off and making me less angelic than I normally am. Sometimes it's worse, there is the straining/pinching feeling that comes and goes, but generally speaking, I have been in pain for a while. Which is why I finally went to see my doctor who listened, nodded and finally said I should get an MRI.

In light of some of my past experiences, I do not take well to the idea of getting an MRI, mostly because they're looking for things that do not belong in my head. Also, I'm ridiculously claustrophobic. So while I waited for the appointment setting lady to get back to me with time, date and instructions, I thought of all of the horrible things an MRI could find. Swelling? Runaway fluids? Inflammation? TUMORS?!? DEAR GOD WHAT IF THERE ARE TUMORS?!?! I know I'm hideous as a bald person, which is just adding insult to the TUMOR that may be growing in my head. I'm not old enough to have tumors, but then again young people get tumors in their brains all the time. I'm not ashamed to say I was close to tears before the nice lady asked me if I preferred a 5 o'clock or 7 o'clock appointment...

Since I didn't hear back from the doctor's office, I called today and they promised to call me back. The nurse (I'm assuming it was a nurse) called later in the afternoon, right after I got off a particularly unpleasant business call.

"Hello, GWCH? Yes, this is Mandy from Dr. W's office. I just wanted to give you the results from your MRI--it's clear, there's nothing in there."

"Excuse me? How can there not be anything in my head?"

"Oh! Ha ha ha! I didn't mean it like that. I meant there wasn't anything of concern in your head. Except for a thickness in your sinuses which is causing discomfort and pressure. I know a lot of people worry there are tumors when they go in for MRIs--but it's just your sinuses."

To recap: my head (still) hurts, I am having a very bad spell at work, and the Loud Tube of Horror (MRI) proved that there is nothing in my head (to worry about).

Now I can go back to my regularly scheduled neuroticism.

On the Occasion of the Big Day

Happy Birthday, from the Girl With Curious Hair--to the Man with the Perfect Laugh.

This Message Brought to You by Ro-jelli-O

I was bored out of my mind today and went to hide in one of the 'secure' rooms, where Ro-Jelli-O (my co-worker) was already hiding. I looked at him and said, "I'm going nuts. Blahbitty blahbitty blah blah."

To which he responded by asking, "Are you going to put that on your bloggity blog?"

Yes I am. So HAH!