Good News, Everyone!

Sarah Palin shows them who's boss and clears herself of wrongdoing! She's the most fair and balanced judge and jury ever!

The Florida Mystique

You know, for years I have been wondering, why do so many strange news stories come from Florida and Germany? Is it because people in newsrooms hate Floridians with a burning passion, fueled by jealousy? Or is Florida somehow a beacon for the truly odd/retarded/insane?

The latest 'news' that makes me wonder about the water in Florida? A grandmother driving around with her three year old grandchild ON THE ROOF OF THE CAR. Maybe in a few years, Florida will become a synonym for 'crazy'. "That guy was SO florida, you have no idea." It sounds right already.

Sometimes the craziness turns to cruelty. My friend Paul had a lovely Siamese, Amy, that was beaten to death. I don't understand what kind of person can do something like that. I know they are still looking for the monster who did this; Paul and a some generous donors are offering a $4500 reward to anyone who can provide information leading to the arrest of the crazy person responsible. If you have any friends in the St. Petersburg area, please pass on the message and a link to his site: www.whokilledamy.com.

Coffee v. Orange Juice: The Mature Choice

I like to think of myself as relatively intelligent. Actually, that thought depresses me a little, because I know a lot of people around me who are much more intelligent on every level: emotional, intellect and practical. I may be the one who brings the average down. So you would think that I would be happy to know there are people out there that make me seem like a genius. People like Ben Stein for example, who make my grasp of science seem mind-bogglingly complex. Or people like this idiot who judge a person's maturity by the beverage that person consumes in the morning.

I know there are different standards for measuring maturity. I will even admit to being a bit of a judgmental snob. But if we apply the standards of the article that coffee drinkers are more mature than orange juice drinkers (I know, just suspend any intelligent thought and just go with it), wouldn't that mean that alcohol would be a more mature beverage than both? And using that standard, wouldn't we have to elect an alcoholic to prove that someone is no longer childish?

Oh, wait. We DID that already. Twice. And everything worked out just fine.

Thanks/Blame to Andrew Sullivan for bringing such insanity to light.

Mad Science

I want to be outraged, but I'm pretty sure this has just left me speechless: Ben Stein rejecting science. Not personally (although I'm assuming he did that soon after he lost his mind), but as a concept. Why? Because science is evil. It seems Mr. Stein holds science responsible for the death of his family members during the Holocaust. He's not saying people abused their powers and used science for evil purposes, just has they had done with religion and politics for centuries. No. He's holding science responsible.

Yep. I got nothing. Maybe Alex can help. Anyone? Anyone?

*I would mention where he was interviewed for this brilliant bit, but that would make a celebrity of Crazy Pat on my blog.

How Many Crazies Can Fit on a Couch?

I just changed the channel to watch The Daily Show (Colin Firth is tonight's guest-weeee!), and what am I greeted with? Al Sharpton and Pat Robertson hanging out on the beach, sitting on a couch and AGREEING about the need to address global warming. I admit, I am having a hard time focusing on the message, because Al Sharpton and Pat Robertson are sitting on a couch on the beach, making jokes about their political philosophies and what they have in common (the title 'reverend' and lunatic ramblings?). WHAT?

It seems this ad is part of the We Can Solve It campaign, launched by The Alliance for Climate Protection and Al Gore. I'm sure their message is important, I'm just stuck on the fact that they have selected Al Sharpton, Pat Robertson, Nancy Pelosi and Newt Gingrich to deliver their message. Who are these commercials appealing to? I'm so confused.

On a completely unrelated note, I think I would like Colin Firth to read me something. I'm not picky, he can choose.

Things I Don't Understand

After a ridiculously long quest for The Perfect Lipstick (and by ridiculously long, I mean a whole YEAR), I now have time to ponder some of the things that have been said and seen recently which I just don't understand:

• Who will buy Danielle , by Danielle Steel? It scares and confuses me to know that people read her books. Now people want to smell like her characters? What will this scent say about you? That you're a morally upright, yet sexy woman waiting for a rich man overcome socio-economic barriers to find you and swear he cannot live without you?

• Why are our expectations for presidential candidates so low? I was listening to NPR on Friday, and someone was saying how Fred Thompson was the first truly folksy candidate to through his hat into the ring. Apparently, Thompson will be stepping into Ronald Regan's big, folksy shoes as no other candidate has to this point. Really? Is that all we want from a candidate? Bad acting skills and pretending to be an 'Aw shucks' kind of a guy? Have we learned NOTHING? Look where that got us last time we selected for ordinariness? To paraphrase Bill Mahr, I want a president that is smarter than me. I don't want to drink beer with him (especially if he is a recovering alcoholic), I don't want to hang out with her/him and have her/him pretend like s/he has something in common with me. I want a president who will have something intelligent to say about what is going on in the world. I want someone who can string together a sentence in a language, any language, without sounding like the village idiot who strayed onto the world podium. I am pretty sure 'folksy' is not the quality we should be looking for this time around.

• If you've ever visited the American Museum of Natural History, and thought to yourself, "This is just a bunch of heathen hogwash" or just felt isolated because science does not support your special interpretation of how we got to this point, take heart! The Creation Museum is the place for you. For the price of a ticket to Petersburg, KY and admission, you can see how the world was created in six days, with a day left for God to rest. After all, being omnipotent, doesn't mean creating the universe isn't exhausting. You will be able to see how Adam and Eve lived with the dinosaurs before they sinned. Every complicated question you have about the universe, biology and natural history will be answered referencing the Bible and books like Evolution Exposed. In case you think these people don't have enough books to fill a library with insanity, check out these gems. And all of these seem to go very well with the flier in my mail box last week, inviting me to study 'real' astronomy and learn that the earth is not in fact rotating around the sun. Apparently, there are a bunch of people who think the issue of the heliocentrism is another atheistic plot.
  

• In other Genesis citing news, the former Sephardi Chief Rabbi advocated collective punishment for all of Gaza's inhabitants, as "the whole city holds collective responsibility" for the bombing of Sderot. Since there seemed to be some confusion, his son, also a Chief Rabbi, clarified and said it would be immoral for the IDF to launch a ground offensive as it will put soldiers in danger. Carpet bombing Gaza's more than 1.5 million people however, is ethical. Yay!

• Unfortunately, some people don't know where to draw the line and act professionally in the work environment. While they are the reason people like me have to sit through five hours of harassment training, some people are thinking outside the box and are find more 'interesting' solutions. Their solution is more complicated, as women would have to get pregnant, give birth and raise a child in order to establish a semi-familial bond with a co-worker. Almost makes the harassment training sound fun. By the way, what I'm really thinking right now, is WTF?!?!

• The best thing about going through five hours of harassment training, is the free bagels and lunch. The worst part? Thinking the people who were the cause of everyone going through harassment training, would learn to stop harassing you after they left the presentation. WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE? I could learn by example of course, and do everything I was just told not to do...
  

• I personally have nothing against lawyers. I still occasionally think of becoming a lawyer myself--then remember how I suffered through my last academic experience. However, I'm thinking there are some really stupid judges out there. And why hasn't he been disbarred yet?

I just want to repeat, I have no intention of insulting people of any faith, profession or even reading preference. However, I just keep thinking, we are not that smart as a species. I'm amazed we have made it this far. Holy crap, I just disproved evolution!

Now that I have sufficiently scared myself, and have still not gotten any closer to understanding insane people of every walk of life I'm going to try to go to sleep.

Right Like a Broken Watch

I'm a little ashamed to admit that I have found myself occasionally agreeing with Pat Buchanan. For example, when he called for Bush's impeachment, I cheered--until I read the fine print and reason for this call. Or when he says that Bush should stop before he starts another war (against Iran), I did the happy dance. Frankly, when a man even the Right considers extreme thinks this administration is crazy, I think there is a little hope. However, I realize my agreeing with Pat is like saying a broken watch is right sometimes.

Why am I thinking about Pat tonight, instead of jogging? Because a friend of mine sent me this article, in which Pat logically ties the tragedy at Virginia Tech to the immigration problem. Apparently, the tragedy could have been prevented if fewer immigrants were allowed in this country. He seems to be under the impression that immigrants and their disenfranchised, misanthropic offspring are the downfall of this country. Fascinating.

Now, maybe it's because I'm the child of immigrants/first generation immigrant myself, but when I first read this, I was hopping mad. Literally hopping. Perhaps it was because anti-immigrant sentiments like this used to result in me getting the crap beat out of me on the playground. Perhaps because I always thought this country, in its current state, was created by immigrants. Or maybe it was because I don't like dumb-ass people linking the death of thirty two* innocent people to a political issue that has nothing to do with anything. I don't know, but it just pisses me off.

Then, I thought a little bit about the examples Pat had brought to prove his point and I realized I was being irrational. Immigrants (and their maladjusted offspring) are a huge problem and are responsible for the crimes that are destroying this society. I too, have proof for what I say.

If it weren't for the flood of undocumented and illegal immigrants from England (and the rest of Europe) in the late 17th-early 18th century, who were so liberally allowed to benefit from the generosity of the legal residents and citizens of this land, there would not have been a slaughter of the natives on this continent. Angry decedents of immigrants such as John Wilkes Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald and John Hinckley , Jr. killed (or tried to kill) US presidents. Other misanthropic decedents such as Dennis Rader (BTK seriel killer), Jeffery Dahlmer, Theodore Kaczynski (The Unabomber), Timothy McVeigh (Oklahoma City bomber), Charles Whitman (Watchtower shooter in Austin, TX), Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold (Columbine), John Wayne Gacy, Jr., Charles Manson and the David Berkowitz (aka the Son-of-Sam) have all contributed to an atmosphere of horror, forever changing the way we look at immigrants and their descendants in this country.

Thank goodness for intelligent people like Pat who aren't afraid to look society's problems in the eye and lay blame where it belongs.

*A correction.