Fashion Police On the Beat

I have no idea what that title means, except it implies a judgmental person offering unsolicited fashion advice. And that is exactly what I'm about to do, because I'm helpful. I'd also like to add that it's not really me being judgmental as much as it is a predisposition of sorts; a genetic condition that is passed down the matrilinieal line in my family. A superpower that I'm trying to use for good.

• Velour track suits, no matter how outrageously priced, are still comfort clothes. If it has been attacked by a bedazzler, it does not become any more formal. Adding high heels does not change the equation either.
  
• 'Juicy', 'Pink' or letters from the Greek alphabet across the bum in any material is not flattering, no matter how nice the bum. If you are over 60, it is wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.
• Showing your underwear in public is kind of tacky. Especially in church.
  
• High heels and mud are a bad combination.
  
• Ed Hardy: No. You'll look back at that phase of your life and wonder what the hell you were thinking. You'll question the judgment of friends that didn't stop you. Or you won't wonder and you'll still be one of those people.
• "Subtle" is not a dirty word.
  
• Louis Vuitton purses don't 'classify' tube tops and cut off jeans. Also, 'classify' doesn't mean what you think it means.

Your friendly neighborhood fashion cop,

GWCH