Hair Tip of the Day

If you're spending the greater part of the weekend desperately trying to manage your hair and make a good impression on a Monday morning interview, DO NOT take beauty tips from Julia Roberts' crazy antics in Dying Young, even if every overly sentimental girl in your dorm insists you watch it and learn.

Apparently, slathering your hair with the contents of a jar of mayonnaise will not make your hair shiny and healthy, allowing it to capture the attention and awe of young men everywhere. Nor will it wash out and leave you where you were before you opened the jar of mayonnaise. Instead, it will leave your hair dull, heavy and greasy, even after numerous washes with scalding hot water. When young men and potential employers do notice your hair, you will not inspire comparisons to Klimt's work, but they may politely ask if you lost a bet. Later, you will hear the phrase "We just didn't think you'd be a good fit" from the employer with no potential.

At this point, I recommend you quietly return to your dorm and try to wash out the grease stains on you shirt, pillowcase and towel. Or, save yourself some change and just throw them all out--that much oil doesn't wash out.

Repeating experiment with Miracle Whip will give you same, tragic results. Accept the fact that your hair will never look like Julia Roberts' hair and move on.